May 10, 2013

The Day I Met Jesus...errr...or Not

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A little over 2 years ago (May 21, 2011 to be exact...and this date holds significance to this story, so keep it in mind), D and I went to a friends house for dinner. This friend was fairly new to the both of us, having moved to the area just 2 short months beforehand, but D had already gotten to know him pretty well through work since he was his sponsor coming into the squadron. So, our new friend invited us over for dinner at his new apartment as a sort of  'thank you' for helping him get settled in his new place. 6 hours before we had to be at his home for dinner, D and I decided to spend the day at the beach. Not unusual in the slightest. The beach was a mere 10-minute drive away and we tried to go every free weekend we had. 

At the time, I was on a little diet. Nothing crazy, just trying to eat clean, control my portion sizes, and limit my sugar intake a bit. We had ourselves a nice healthy picnic on the beach and soaked up some serious rays. It was slightly cooler than normal outside, so it was easy to let the day fly by in the warm sun and forget to reapply sunscreen. So, we both got a little (ok, A LOT) sunburned. Cut to dinner time...we arrived at our friend's house, sunburned and hungry, so we started helping him prepare the meal. D and I were standing at the bar, helping shred some cheese, when all of a sudden, I started to hear a faint ringing in my ears. Uh-oh. I knew exactly what was coming.

I have a history of passing out. And I like to do it at the most random, inopportune times. My sister is the same way (don't worry, we've been checked out...and we're fine, just tend to overheat easily). We pass out while baking cookies, doing Tae Bo, being sick with the flu, boarding airplanes, having lunch on a resort pool deck in Mexico...you name it, we've passed out doing it. HA! Not really, but sometimes it feels that way. Ok, so my ears start ringing while shredding cheese and I know I'm about to go dark. I got the nauseous feeling in my tummy and I immediately grabbed D and asked him to lead me to the couch and grab me a glass of water. We make it to the couch, D hands me the water, and then BOOM. The lights go out. 

When I came to, probably 25 seconds later, I couldn't see. D said I was waving my hands frantically in the air and panting like someone had been chasing me. Truth was, I thought I had died. Ironically enough, the day I choose to pass out in a strangers house was also the day that Harold Camping man "predicted" the world was going to end and got his clan of crazies to put up billboards and caravan around the US warning the world of impending doom. Of course, I didn't believe any of the malarkey they were spewing was true, but apparently my subconscious thought otherwise. When I passed out, I thought Jesus had come to take me to heaven. Only heaven didn't look like I thought it was going to. When my eyes started to refocus and light flooded back in again, it wasn't D who was standing before me. In my delirium, I wholeheartedly expected to see Jesus. No lie. But, instead, our new friend was standing square in front of my face, lightly tapping my cheeks, calling my name. I didn't recognize him AT ALL...and my frantic panting turned into terror. And then...I peed my pants. I literally thought I'd gone to hell and subsequently had the pee scared out of me. 

Now, I'm not saying our friend looks like the devil...definitely not the case. But, when you think you're going to meet Jesus and you end up seeing someone else in front of you, with an ominous looking black door behind them, you'd automatically deduce you were in hell. Right? Ok, so it's just me. Anywho, I peed my pants...on this guy's couch. Did I mention that this guy was a rank HIGHER than D at the time. So, I peed on D's boss' couch. Yep. The universe hates me. Needless to say, that little fiasco brought our dinner party to an early close that evening. D and I went home, my cheeks (both sets) as red as tomatoes, and my soul still intact on this Earth. The moral of this story is: don't go to the beach, minimally eat, get a gnarly sunburn, and then go to a strangers house on the day the world is "supposed" to end and pass out. You will think you've died. But, you won't meet Jesus. 

And that, my friends, is the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me.

Link up your most embarrassing stories over at Story of My Life for the Blog Every Day in May Challenge! Dear Lord, don't let mine be the most embarrassing. ;)

12 comments:

  1. So, it's not ACTUALLY funny that you passed out, and I swear that I'm not laughing at your misfortune and I'm glad you're okay, but that was one of the funniest things I've ever read! Thanks for sharing, even if it was terribly embarrassing.

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  2. That is an awesome story! Sean and I threw an "end of the world" game night for our fellow Baptist friends who also laughed/scoffed/whatever at Harold Camping.

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  3. Ok, this story is hilarious! Totally embarrassing at the time, hope you can look back now and laugh! Also, I don't pass out often but I think one of my greatest fears is passing out. I don't like the loss of being in control AT ALL.

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  4. I didn't write an embarrassing story today, because all my embarrassing moments happened in adolescence, and none of them are a big deal to me. I thought this was because now that I'm older, embarrassing stuff doesn't happen anymore because you just laugh off your faux pas and move on...

    You proved me wrong. This is the embarrassing moment of all embarrassing moments, regardless of age. Wow. Well-done?

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  5. Wow what an awesome story!! Definitely something to look back on and laugh. I hope. :)

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  6. Oh my goodness! I'm glad you were okay, but this story was hilarious! lol

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  7. That is really embarrassing but also kinda awesome all in one!

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  8. OHMYGOSH!!!! I feel mortified just reading that! Eeeeeek! So sorry..how terrible that must have been. You definitely take the cake for mot embarrassing moment ever!

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  9. I was at a change of command this morning and someone passed out while in formation...and peed himself :(

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  10. Gosh it so would have been embarrassing but now its funny :)

    And I am sure there are many other stories out there like this one!! At least you only peed your pants, that can be cleaned up easily enough!
    Sorry - but as a aged care nurse I have seen way more things happen then one peeing themselves {hope that makes you feel a bit better!!}
    A great story to tell the grandchildren one day.

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