I have an extraordinary spouse. D has never been one to stay within the confines of just being "great"...he's always excelled at whatever he does; whether it be duties of the Air Force, school, or courting me, he's always put his best foot forward. When D and I got married at the ripe old ages of 20 (me) and 21 (him), we already had a great foundation. After dating for almost 7 years throughout the most formative years of our lives, I knew exactly how he ticked, and he knew exactly what ticked me off. They say that the first year of marriage can often be the hardest one of all, but that wasn't true for us. Growing up together made our first year utterly blissful. We finally got to experience all the things we'd been dreaming about for so many years as young kids in love. We had the cozy little apartment that we decorated, just the two of us. We had the sweet little puppy that we took care of like a child. We cooked dinner together, hung curtains together, and sat out on our patio mulling over our days with a glass of wine together. All the perfect little things I'd always wanted to do with my soul mate. Little did I know that those sweet simple moments would be just the tip of the iceberg of how wonderful D is to me. How extraordinary of a husband he's been in our almost 6 years of marriage.
There's quite a bit of backstory here (mostly stories no one knows), but hang on, it will all come full circle! When we got orders to Germany in the spring of 2011, we were both ecstatic. We'd been praying for months to be stationed overseas and God was faithful in granting us our heart's desire. I knew moving to Germany would mean my career as a Nutritionist would be put on hold, but that seemed like a small sacrifice to make to follow D around the world for a few years. In fact, it didn't seem like a sacrifice at all. It sounded like a dream! And it has been. But it hasn't always been an easy dream to follow. Stepping back from my career plunged me into a bit of an identity crisis shortly after finally making the move abroad. I was virtually alone here. No job, no routine, no friends (at the time), and no real sense of direction for my life. Yes, we were still adjusting to living in Germany and planning as many trips around Europe as we could stomach, but during the week...when D was at work and I was home, alone, just me and my thoughts...I felt lost. I did a little bit of job searching, but it always proved to be fruitless. Finding a job here within my career field wasn't going to be possible. And working at Burger King didn't seem like a step in the right direction for me either. So, I turned to blogging. I had started my blog almost as soon as we got orders to Germany just to keep my family and friends updated on our move and adventures abroad. I didn't have any aspirations to turn it into a business at the time, nor did I even know anything like that was possible. Blogging was just a hobby to me. Another ho-hum activity that was there to drive away boredom. I felt others viewed my new hobby that way, too.
Do you want to know what my LEAST favorite question in the world was after moving here? "So...what do you do all day long?" Anytime I heard that question, my heart sank into my chest. Before moving to Germany I could have said, "I work everyday from 8-5, then I hit the gym for an hour, go home, make dinner, plan for the next day's work, spend time with D, and hit the hay." Those first few months here in Germany, if I didn't lie to save my pride, my answer would came out panicked and veiled with shame--"I wake up, go to the gym (maybe), clean the house (if I hadn't already made it spotless the day before...I mean, how much can you clean one small apartment?), I'd blog (but not wholeheartedly), then wait around the house mindlessly watching TV or playing on Facebook until D got home and I'd finally get some human interaction." The looks on their faces were either of pity or jealousy. Jealous for the life of leisure; to spend days doing whatever one wanted. Although in my mind, there was nothing to be jealous of. Pity was more the feeling I felt, and it was like a dagger to the heart every time someone else shared those same thoughts about my daily routine. I was living proof that the grass isn't always greener.
Thankfully, D was always there to rescue me from my self-loathing. All the insecurities I felt about my new roll as a stay at home wife, D was quick to shut down. He appreciated that I kept our home neat and tidy. He didn't care that I'd still be in my pajamas when he arrived home from work. He comforted me as I navigated myself through feelings of worthlessness when all I had done that day was check the mail and put makeup on my face. But in the back of his mind, he knew I wanted more. He knew that to be the best version of myself, he'd have to push me. But he also knew I needed time to search my heart for direction. And so that's what he gave me.
I went back to America for two different weddings just 2 months after moving to Germany. One wedding was for my cousin and the other for my best friend. They were two months apart, so I decided to stay in NC with my family from the middle of August to the beginning of October. All the while, D was still in Germany starting his new job. Alone. D knew I was struggling a bit (silently to the rest of the world), and completely supported my trip home for such a long period of time. He hoped it would allow me to regroup and come back to Germany with a fresh set of eyes, ready to take on my new life abroad.
During my time at home, I pretty much stopped blogging. I kept telling D during our daily phone conversations that I didn't feel inspired to write anymore. It was fun for a while, but my insecurities were starting to cloud my vision and I wanted to throw in the towel. I'd warped myself into thinking everyone who knew I blogged, thought that it was silly. Just a silly little thing Casey was trying to do to keep herself busy. It's true what they say--whatever you feel about yourself, you convey that to the world, and they start believing it too. I was my own worst enemy. I had changed, my thoughts and love for blogging had changed...but D wasn't going to let me stay that way. That's when he put the bug in my ear that changed the whole blogging game for me. "Make it your business, babe. Build your readership and make it something you look forward to nurturing each day because it's your own. Turn what you love into something you are proud of. No one could fault you for that." Those words struck a cord in me. I could turn this "hobby" into my business. I could create my own income and fill my empty days with the endless opportunities that blogging creates. I needed to squash my insecurities about not contributing to our family in a significant way. And so the passion began stirring again. I got excited...D got excited...and then we prayed. Feverishly. Soon after, we knew the steps I needed to take and we devised a plan to propel me to my new goals as a blogger. The words "blogging" and "hobby" together, were never spoken from my mouth again.
Coming back from the states was going to be the test. All the things we'd prayed over and talked about were going to be put in motion after I stepped off that plane back in Germany. I felt ready, but D wanted to make sure I was ready. This is where I hope my long winded story starts making sense! As I walked back into our half decorated apartment after 2 long months away, D told me to cover my eyes. I thought he had graciously unpacked all the crap that was still in boxes and wanted to surprise me, but the surprise I got was even greater than that. D walked me over to where our living room ends and our sunroom begins. There was a curtain over the sunroom entryway (one we had hung together just months before), and stuck to the curtain with a flimsy piece of tape was a sign that read, "Casey's Office." I peeled back the curtain and before me was a new chair, a desk, and a brand spanking new iMac computer. Taped to the top of the computer monitor was a note that read, "Your dream starts today!" Tears form in my eyes every time I think about it. D created a space for me to blog, to write, and to start feeling good about myself instead of wasting away into the insecure Casey I was becoming. He dressed up the desk with notepads and pencils; anything he could think of to spark my creativity, and more importantly, make me feel valuable again.
From that moment on, D has been the biggest cheerleader for me and this blog. He sat with me as I cried about blog designs, inspired me through bouts of writer's block, celebrated with me as my readership grew and I made my first ad sale, and talked me off a ledge when I thought about closing up shop in moments of self-doubt. He's my most faithful reader...having read every single post (without me pestering him about it, too!). When I was working towards hitting my 1,000 follower mark, he would call me from work each morning and say "857!" and I knew he was watching my blog grow just as intently as I was. Those are just a few of the many examples of his continuous support in this endeavor he sparked. When I found that quote from Fawn Weaver on Pinterest this morning, I knew I had to share this story about my amazing husband and how this blog really came to be what it is today. To D, I owe this whole creative space. The success, the klout, the passion...all because he cared to take interest in my wellbeing as his wife. To him, my soul mate, I feel the deepest gratitude for his unwavering faith in me, even when I had no faith myself. Once again, he brought me back from turning into the worst version of myself and has continually kept his promise of "for better or for worse."
Today (in case you were wondering), I embrace my life as a stay at home wife and almost full-time blogger. It took some time to realize, but it's been the greatest gift D's career in the Air Force could ever have given me. I used to feel bitter about being the "dependent," the spouse who's always flailing in the wind, changing their plans for the greater good of the military. But, knowing my husband supports me and wants to see me successful and happy just as much as he loves and fights for his country, makes the struggle to find my purpose all the more worth it. When you have someone walking beside you, encouraging you to be the best version of yourself even amidst so much change, you've got an extraordinary love.
D is extraordinary in every sense of the word. I'm so blessed and honored to be loved by him.
To the moon and back, my love! xo
Is your spouse extraordinary? How so? Share your story with me!
