May 3, 2013

I'm Uncomfortable When...


...my hair gets caught in my sunglasses. I have 400 other photos just like this one.

...the song "Christmas Shoes" or "Butterfly Kisses" comes on the radio. If you don't change that station, I'm crying. Simple as that.

...I'm at a conference or lecture or comedy club and I'm sitting in the front row. 9 times out of 10 the speaker/performer ends up looking at me 1,948 times during the duration of the speech/performance, thus causing me to have to look interested THE ENTIRE TIME. Looking interested is a total body workout, believe me.

...people talk politics. I have my own views on our President, the current state of the economy, saving the whales, and abortion rights...but I tend to keep those views to myself. Purely for my own sanity.

...doing math. 

...I have to call a restaurant to place a food order, or find out a store's hours of operation, or making an appointment for something. I immediately turn into a Stuttering Stanley upon dialing.

...I stare at or say my name too many times. It loses all its meaning and I start to question my very existence. WHO AM I?!? WHAT IS THIS NAME?!?!



I'm uncomfortable when...

...eating ice cream near swans. They will steal your cone and make you cause a scene, not unlike the moments of terror in the movie The Birds. Friggin' swans.

...D is gone for long periods of time playing Air Force. An empty bed is one of the loneliest places in the world. And it never gets easier.

...working out in a gym full of men. I will go to the gym at 5 o'clock in the morning if it means I'd have the whole weights section to myself.

...I can't find my iPhone. It's like someone cut of my arm and hid it from me. Technology dependent? Yes, definitely.

...making small talk with my gynecologist. Woman, just get in there and get out. Call me crazy, but talking about the weather is not high on my list of conversation topics when you're near my nether regions.

...sitting in the middle seat. Any middle seat.

...I'm at an auction and I have to scratch my head. You don't know how many times I've inadvertently almost bought a $200 cheese of the month gift basket.

...I don't have a plan. I'm not a super spontaneous person, but I have my moments.


I'm uncomfortable when...

...you can hear lips smack and slop together when people kiss in real life and on TV. {shudder}

...using stone cookware. I know, really strange. But it's like using a chalkboard to make food. Feels like a chalkboard. Sounds like a chalkboard when you run your fingers over it. Can't do it. No one buy me anything from Pampered Chef, I beg of you!

...any animal dies. I sobbed like a baby watching Marley and Me. The National Geographic channel is off limits in our home.

...people stand really close the edge of a building and we're more than 3 stories high. I'm convinced one of the worst ways to die is to fall off a building. That movie Man on a LedgeTERRIFYING. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it. You won't see me near the edge of a building unless it has high walls there's a fence around it!

...people are overly emotional or suuupper dramatic. It's hard to hide my annoyance when someone's on high alert for no apparent reason. I dislike coddling (to a certain extent), so I never know what to do with myself around someone who needs lots of it.

...I have to wave back at someone. I hate my shaking arm fat. I've tried shooting people a thumbs up instead, but then I look like stuck-up weirdo. Can't win for losing.




I'm uncomfortable when...

...watching the audition weeks on American Idol. I can't bare to watch people who truly think they can sing make absolute fools of themselves on live television.


...I know someone is hiding a secret from me. The quickest way to piss me off is to tell me you know something I don't know. I will kill you to find out.

...someone asks me to spell inconvenience out loud. Can't do it. Too many e's & n's.

...I have a bad or weird dream about someone and then see them out in public. My subconscious has a hard time forgiving dream-versions of people for wrongdoing me in dreamland.

...riding in the car for more than 2 hours. Road trips are my least favorite kinds of trips.

...people ask me what I do all day long. See this post.



I'm uncomfortable when...

...pinning on D's new ranks every time he promotes. I'm so dang proud of him...but do you know how hard it is to get butterfly clutches on the backs of pins in front of 100 people when your hands are shaking? Nerve. Wracking.

...wearing my Krispy Kream t-shrits to the gym. I know people are judging me, but I keep doing it anyway. Doughnut glaze runs thick in these veins. I can't deny my roots! (Side note: my dad has been an engineer for Krispy Kream for over 30 years and my family ran one of the first stores that ever existed back in my home town. Remind me to tell you all the story later, kay?)

...someone says the word "moist." If it's followed anywhere closely by the word "panties," we cannot be friends.

...I have to travel by myself. No matter how many times I've done it, it still makes me leery. Flying on an airplane overseas for 9 hours on your own is the worst thing EVER. Especially when there's turbulence.

...I'm pushed to the middle of a dance circle at a wedding. Naturally, I bust out my best robot, but no one's impressed.



...picking out something from someone's teeth. Just kidding, I'm not. ;)


What makes YOU uncomfortable? 
Link up your thoughts for the Blog Every Day in May Challenge at Story of My Life today!


29 comments:

  1. you had me at Krispy Kreme - they are the greatest, right??! yum!

    i remember when my bro was in boy scouts & my parents had the similar issues of pinning on pins. nerve wreakin'. ( :

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  2. This had me laughing so many times... Hahah love it, and love YOU!

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  3. Love your list because I can relate to so many of them. Including the ones about calling businesses. I can normally speak well, but put me on a phone to someone I dont know and you would think otherwise. ;)

    Bonnie Rose | a compass rose

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  4. Hahahhhaaa I love this list! And so easy to relate.I can't spell inconvenience either. I usually thesaurus it so I don't have to!

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  5. I hate loosing my iPhone! It's like my life is over lol

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  6. Ahhhhh panties! I hate that word! I even cringe when I type it. Ickkkk!

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  7. Hahhaa I love that first pic! And really I love AI auditions!

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  8. almost all of these, yes! I feel uncomfortable!

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  9. I hate the word "moist"!!!

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  10. marley and me was THE LITERAL WORST! hated it. didn't even want to finish watching it. but of course, i had to. but it sucked.

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  11. I found your blog through the Blog Every Day in May challenge, and I love your list! I especially enjoyed, "...someone says the word "moist." If it's followed anywhere closely by the word "panties," we cannot be friends." Does this mean we can be friends if I also have a severe hatred of BOTH of these words?

    Can't wait to read more!

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  12. okay, aside from it making you cry what are thoughts on the "Christmas Shoes" song? I feel like every person in the world and his mother hates it, and I understand why. I mean, I know it's sad and it makes me bawl like a baby when I hear it on the radio every year, but overall it's pretty harmless. I have no ill will for that poor child and his dying mother.

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  13. Yes I feel you on the pinning ranks on...B has a promotion coming up and I'm freaking out a little more than I probably should.

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  14. Visiting from SOML! New follower! I lived in Heidelberg for a summer, so I just checked out your Heidelberg posts to reminisce. Miss it so much!

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  15. Holy moly! I think I should have made my "things that make me uncomfortable" a link to this post!! I'm new to your blog, but I have a feeling we are VERY similar. So funny!! I'm an Air Force wife too, but used to be active duty too. Have a beautiful weekend!

    Neri
    Sparkling with Sneakers

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  16. I spit soda on my keyboard for the "moist"..... "panties"
    Oh. my. awfulness.

    and also, I totally agree. It's a creepy word.

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  17. This post made me laugh! Love your writing style! I am your newest follower from the BlogEveryDayInMay link up! I hope you have a fabulous day!

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  18. oh, don't get me started on not having a plan. Matt makes fun of me because of how uncomfortable I get without one.

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  19. hahaha the auction thing is hilarious

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  20. SO MANY OF THESE THINGS MADE ME SQUIRM IN MY SEAT. a few made me say "ew" really loudly. which is uncomfortable when you sit in an open-plan office...

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  21. Haha totally with you on the 'moist' thing. I'm also not fond of the word 'fleshy'.
    x

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  22. Moist and panties are two of the mot hated words in the dictionary!

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  23. About 95% of those make me uncomfortable as well!

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  24. This post was cracking me up! I'm so with you on calling restaurants and doing anything that requires raising your hand even the tiniest bit at an auction. I have accidentally bid on something before!

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  25. like all of em! haha. talking on the phone..
    xoxo Aimee
    bowsandbeau-ties.blogspot.com

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  26. is it bad that i'm an english teacher and i sometimes get nervous that my students will ask me to spell something out loud for them? i mean really, tyrannosaurus? no kid, i don't know how to spell it but let me pull out my phone and google it for you.

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  27. You are so friggin funny. I swear. I was in a bad mood before I read this post and now I'm all laughing to myself over all the crazy, hilarious things you said. I do the name thing all the time, then I'll look at myself in the mirror and think, "My name is Kelsey...." SO. WEIRD!

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  28. Oh my god this is so funny! Many of these things also make me uncomfortable, namely the desire to have the weights section to yourself in the gym. I hate lifting with a ton of men around... Great post!

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  29. I HATE when people do not tell you when you have food in your teeth!

    xx
    Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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