Nov 5, 2012

The Day I Saw My First Pair of German Boobies

It was a beautiful, sunny day at Lake Constance, so D and I decided it was time to get rid of our winter white skin and sunbathe on the shore for a few hours. Let me just tell you, it took us FOR-EV-ER to find a patch of "beach" around this lake. There were signs that said "shoreline" scattered about the town, but everywhere they pointed lead to dead ends and places that weren't fit for sunbathing. We finally found this Alice in Wonderland type path that took us through a maze of shrubbery right to a few patches of shoreline beside a small lakeside campground. We spread out our blankets, rubbed on the SPF, and managed to catch ourselves some serious rays. It was nothing short of amazing...until...I looked to my right and there were boobs. German boobs. Just hanging all out there, in the open, for everyone to see. 

Now, at the time, we'd been living in Germany a little over a year and we'd yet to come across any nude beaches or lakes the entire time we'd been traveling around Europe. I knew good and well that they existed, we'd just never stumbled upon them. Ok, so I lie. D had stumbled upon some nude sunbathers while he and his troops were out running along the Rhine River during PT one hot afternoon last summer, but we pretend that didn't happen. I can only imagine what all those running boys were thinking. Ahem...anywho, as soon as I saw this woman, I immediately turned into an immature teenager, slapped D on the arm, and told him to feast his eye on the peepers at 9 o'clock. He did and subsequently slapped me back on the arm. And then we both proceeded to try to scoop out our eyeballs, because, you know, there some things in life you just can't un-see and forcibly removing your eyeballs seems like the only rational thing to do. Let's just say that this woman was an original card-carrying member of the AARP club, who'd indulged in eating many a schnitzel, and had already lost her battle with gravity, many, many years ago. {{Shivers}} Isn't that how it always happens, though? The people who are birthday suiting it up are always the ones you wish weren't. I say it's probably because all the good looking people know better. Or, once you hit a certain age, you just don't give a crap anymore and it's "breasts to the wind!" any chance you get. More power to them? Eh, who knows. What I do know is that D and I didn't follow suit (or lack thereof) with any of the 4 other nude sunbathers on our little patch of beach. All of which were the complete opposite of eye candy. More like eye Brussels sprouts. Call me a prude, but my goodies are reserved for viewing by my eyes (and D's eyes...hubba, hubba) only. ;) Case and point, nude beaches/lakes=not a fan. America, you do sunbathing right by me!

{Sorry, no photos of nudies for you today. You'll just have to take my word for it. Believe me, my word is so much better than photographic evidence...at least where this beach is concerned.}



In other news, I may or may not have overdid it on the sunshine that afternoon. Obviously it had been a while since my skin had seen the sun, so it just absorbed all of it. At one time. Sadly, that's as tan...umm, err...red as I got all summer. Thanks, Germany.

Oooo,  and don't forget guys--today and tomorrow are THE VERY LAST DAYS to snag any size ad on my sidebar for 40% off this month!! Use code NOVEMBERLOVE at checkout. Happy Monday, ladies and gents!

26 comments:

  1. Looks like a perfect day spent in the sunshine!


    =)


    Brooke

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  2. During the summer, at the beaches here, we can tell who the Europeans are for their lack of clothing! And of course, I was the silly American who couldn't stop staring. I was mostly just envious at their lack of caring about what people thought of them, because you're right: it's not the ones you'd WANT to see naked...it's the ones who you don't want to see!

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  3. Haha! Where is the eye bleach when you need it? Looks pretty though.

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  4. I too had such a hard time adjusting in South Africa to seeing women sit in the middle of a shopping mall and breast feed without a blanket or anything over themselves! I was always the shocked one that didn't know what to do! Also it was the idea that they were so comfortable sitting their like that! Also if you do go to a cultural event here the women typically don't have shirts on....I still get uncomfortable!

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  5. Looks like a gorgeous lake!

    I saw lots of boobies when vacationing on the beaches of Spain. Truth be told, it shocked me at first. But by the end of the week, I was kind of unfazed by it. That said, I haven't seen one boobie since then. So, I'm sure I'll have to go through boobie-shock all over again next time I'm lounging in the sand in Europe! :)

    Cheers,
    Kristina

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  6. This happened to me in Jamacia. My corneas still haven't recovered.

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  7. Haha that was hilarious! Thank you for not including pictures ;)

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  8. Beautiful photos! After living in Scotland, my skin was super sensitive to the sun, too. :) Yay for burns.

    Rachel
    http://www.postcardsfromrachel.com

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  9. oh goodness, I've seen so many French boobs it's not even funny. but I guess that's what happens when you spend two months at a French beach. at least they weren't all old ladies! I feel like the fewer saggy wrinkles, the less horrible the eyeful.

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  10. This was SO funny to read! It does look like it was a beautiful day!

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  11. I came here for the boobies... stayed for the pics of David. This blog delivers.

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  12. hahaha I'm sorry you had to see that.
    I love your blog tho!

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  13. Have you seen the old big bellied men in speedos yet? Those were always...interesting.

    That was one of the things I liked about Germany. They weren't ashamed of their bodies.

    Also, there used to be a Media Markt add with a lady with three boobs. It was so weird. I had no idea what it had to do with the electronics store.

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  14. I think its awesome you tricked D into looking! I would have had to share that sight as well. I burn if I think about the sun too long.

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  15. Ha! I literally laughed out loud. I've heard rumors about nude sunbathers in Europe. Sorta weird. Then again, I'm a fan of onsen in Japan which may or may not be better. Google it.

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  16. can i just say... loved this post. beautiful pictures. jealous!

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  17. Oh gosh! Not sure what I would do at that beach :)
    At least you didnt have kids with you! And at least you got to have fun in the sun, hope the image of the German Boobs leaves your eyes soon :)

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  18. Okay your post is hysterical! I love your descriptions. Just thankful the only places I go people are clothed. This nana is too old for such exposure! Teresa from www.nanahood.com

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  19. Hi, I found your blog through the GFC blog hop. This post made me smile, I'm so glad England doesn't take after a lot of the other European countries with regards to nude bathing!

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  20. I'm stopping by from the blog hop. I love the name of your blog. I can't wait to follow along and read more.

    -Logan
    www.southernsunflowersandcoffeebeans.com

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  21. that is so funny! I have yet to see any boobs here, but I have certainly exposed mine a lot...
    but I was breastfeeding, does that count? :)

    I love how women nurse in public and it's not a big deal here. It's the one time everyone does not stare at me, isn't that odd..

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  22. Eek! I'm totally prudish when it comes to nudity (or, well, most things), so I don't think that would have been too kosher for me. Glad you enjoyed some sunshine, though! And my "tan" usually consists of lobster red, too.

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  23. Missing the Bodensee! Such a lovely place!! And it always amazes me that the naked boobies of European girls / women seem to shock everybody across the big pond!! :)

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  24. Omg!! That is crazy. And scary. Thanks for NOT sharing photos of that!

    Your comment about the opposite of eye candy made me think of an episode of How I Met Your Mother, where Barney says "Who's the eye broccoli?" HAHA!

    P.S. Thanks for linking up for Wednesday Walkabout!
    ~Sarah from GI Joe's Wife

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  25. hehe I think that whole nudity thing is something German-speaking people have embraced shamelessly. I'm back in Switzerland and started going swimming a couple of weeks ago and I was very shocked when I saw so many women showering and drying their hair as naked as they were the day they were born. And they would mostly fit the description of the woman in your post {shivers and creeps}. I'm kind of getting used to it by now and my head just rolls automatically when someone takes off their swimsuit before making it to the shower. I can only be thankful that bathing suits are compulsory for swimming!

    I was going through your old Bodensee posts to get a feeling of the place cos I'm finally planning a weekend there - never mind if it's still cold February, hopefully we'll be back sometime in the summer :) It looks so great in your photos!

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